Monday, August 24, 2009
im sorry. it seems this word is ineffective, no matter how sincere it may be, its useless.
its come to a point where it doesnt work anymore. no one believes.
u feel bad, u hate urself, u regret, u wished it never happened, u wish u could take it all back.
i rather if yin is mad at me. i rather if her friends are all mad at me, after all the shit i put them through. but then again, if ur were mad at me, i'll die. if yin was mad at me, i swear ill just fall apart. gab's bad enough. even keven's pissed at me (though we're alright now)
so she was mad at me. i told roy that i kinda gave kev a peck on his cheek in exchange for a drink, (he wanted a kiss on e mouth but i refused), at least thats what kev told me. and i wanted to tell her face to face, but oh well, roy got to her first. not his fault. she's his bestie. totally understandable.
now i hate myself 1000000 x more. fuck. and gab hasn't forgiven me yet. feels so awkward. but its a good chance for me to depend on myself. gotta stand up and study hard, ace the entire shit, cause it distracts u and makes u feel so much better.
things i have to learn:
-drink less
-dont trust people easily, in fact, ur always on ur own, live with it(excludes all babes of course)
-time mgmt, stil have to perfect it
-stop making people worry!! (even if its a facade, u have to do it, im not trying to sound emo here, but sometimes its better this way)
-depend on myself. dont know, go research, not the go ask stupid rule.
fucked up night. whether the last shot was spiked or not, i don't care. fact is i screwed up, big time.
e words its done already is like a mistake that can never be erased. 3 bloody words that just tells u, u screwed up big time, u have to live with this, its forever stuck onto you, haunting you.
i just need some alone time. packed dinner!! =)
maybe its a good wake-up call.
with lots of love, 2:59 AM
Rosanne 
