Monday, March 8, 2010
All I can say is that I'm utterly disappointed.
Those who know about this blog i hope you guys will keep it in here.
They say a person's honesty is at it's best when he/she is drunk, and I for one have always believed that.
You gave me shit when I refused to get drunk at one of the parties, claiming that it's unfair that only one of us can drink but the other cannot. You said you hated being part of the reason that I stopped drinking, at least it seems like it. Of course, I denied that reason partially only cause I didnt want us to continue fighting, and yea it did make a hell load of sense for some of ur reasons, but well, last saturday proved me right.
You took care of K instead of me, you hardly knew where i was in the club, drunk and lost, drunk cause you made me drink, me drinking cause I didnt want to make you sad. I have no idea how i ended up at the smoking area, drunk with a splitting headache. A group of caucasians that I happened to be crashing in wanted me to smoke pot with them. THank god I saw daryl, and rushed to safety. and the funny thing is that you never once worried about me at all.
M asked you where I was, and all you could say was IDK, and that was about it, not worried whatsoever, focusing ur attention on K who was also drunk. I'm fine with the fact that she was more drunk than me, but what infuriates me is that you were not at my side for a single second, not at all.
You explicitly told M to take care of me when she said " go take care of R, i can handle K" and you just replied "no, i want to take care of her, u take care of R for me".. disappointed, not only me but Re and M. They were shocked when you told them that.
Throughout the trip back home, Mi was taking care of me in the car. At Shenton, Mi and Y were taking care of me. You coming in on the occasional times to the toilet, where I was puking, to shout (maybe with a loud voice instead) to get up and go home with you. then you went on to shout at K, to check on her, leaving me by the sidelines. I guess that's how it's going to be.
Maybe that's why I dont want to be drunk around you, not only cause I know you will get drunk, but because I do not trust you to take care of me, if not for them I'll probably be smoking weed and landing in hospital or whatever. You claim Daryl and his gang wasn't good company and insisted on attending a party with me, but honestly, they are much better than you are.
Obviously K matters more to you than me, im not saying from a gf perspective, but ur friends matter more than me. I know where I stand. All this while you blamed me for ditching you for my friends (and it happened only once cause I had to make friends), but you ditched me not just once, but many times. Honestly, Im much better on my own.
When K is over at ur place, Im just left stranded at the sidelines, or just ignored online. But Im not mad at her, cause ur the only friend she has. So dont blame me if im totally oblivious to ur presence in front of my friends, cause from now on, they are the first ones.
My birthday, I dont care if im celebrating it with you, tahts my honest opinion. I want jukies. I want tanya and her clique, I want yoyo and her clique, I want love love and reubs, I want currie hallers, much more than I want you
i have a feeling the party you guys wil be throwing for me, I will not be the limelight. It will be Z or K or you. Not that I'm attention seeking, but it's my birthday and I want to celebrate it with everyone in singapore. but you just dont get that do you.
with lots of love, 8:41 AM
Monday, January 11, 2010
Idk whats gg on nowadays.
its like everyone chooses to attack me consecutively on a week, like it is all planned.
first with fights with my mom, kaz's death, then countless fights with my gf, and her friends say that im always late.
I know they are not finding fault with me or judging me. I respect that. Maybe its cause i dont feel like Im close enough to them that they could just judge me like that? If its janel, mich, nikky they all, i dont mind, at least they understand and they would tell me in my face. Dont say it behind my back, cause it feels like im so stubborn that I wont listen to anyone at all.
I have been crying countless times, endless tears, to the extend they just pour without control, to the extend that I dont even know why I cry. I just feel so unhappy. I mean I've already talked it out with yin, but I guess it takes the unhappiness awhile to subside? It;s really too much for me to take, especially in a week.
I need my friends, I look forward to saturday, I just want people who dont judge me to be around me right now, i mean not judge, but at least i feel comfortable with. I miss jukies alot. It's so hard to organise. please let saturday happen, Im willng to forfeit all evening plans..
with lots of love, 10:22 AM
Rosanne 
